La Bise, The French Greeting Kiss

As an introvert who really likes her personal space, navigating the French la bise, was challenging to say the least. Imagine meeting someone for the first time, and then having to put your face up against theirs, and give them a kiss on the cheek before you even know them? 

Apart from the physical closeness it requires, the follow-up questions to navigate are one too many.

Just who are you supposed to la bise? Can you opt out of it? What if you accidentally kiss someone on the mouth? Do you have to do this French kissing greeting ritual at work too? Does your boss expect it? Shudder!

Well, after over three years of living in France and being married to a Frenchman, here are my tips for navigating the French la bise. 

But since social and cultural etiquettes depend so much on context, do take these with a grain of salt. 

What is La Bise?

La bise is the term given to the French practice of greeting one another by kissing each other on the cheek.

The number of kisses varies by region. In Paris, it’s two kisses, one on each cheek. You usually faire la bise when meeting people as well as while saying goodbye. 

Again, while doing la bise, you just lightly touch your cheek to the other person’s and air kiss while making a quick kissing sound.

It might be a tad too much, bordering on being too forward, if you plant a real kiss on the other person’s cheeks with your mouth. 

Who and When to Bise?

Unfortunately, no written or even spoken list exists about who exactly you should perform this French greeting kiss with. It’s a entirely a matter of context: both place, time, and mutual ties. 

In general, men might kiss on the cheek less with other men, compared to when it comes to greeting women. While for women, we generally la bise both women and men equally. 

If you’re meeting someone for the first time, and you don’t have any pre-existing close ties, you don’t have to greet them with a kiss. A bonjour with a nod or a handshake might suffice.

However, if you’re meeting a close friend of a friend, you probably will be expected to do the French cheek kiss. 

Again, in a relaxed or joyous occasion, for example, a birthday, or a wedding, there would usually be a lot of bises going around. 

If you have a French partner and you meet their friends, siblings, or family for the first time, you can expect to get lots of kisses on your cheeks!

In the context of work, there’s no need to la bise anyone usually. Unless you become close friends with your co-worker. 

Which Cheek Do You Kiss First?

Let’s face it, these French greeting kisses can sometimes make for awkward moments. Especially if both people try to go for the same side. There could be some accidental (and embarrassing) contact. 

This begs the question, should you start la bise with the right side of the face or the left?

A lot of French people would say it depends on which part of France you’re in. In the North, Paris included, people tend to kiss the right side of the face first and then the left. In the South of France, it’s the other way around. 

But in my opinion, it’s best to avoid any accidents by just going slowly. Slow down, and tilt your head to clarify if you’re going right or left. In the meantime, gauge the other person’s direction. This should give you enough time to change course if need be!

If an awkward encounters ensue, know that it happens all the time to French people too. Share a laugh and forget about it. Trust me, everyone else did too. 

Is it Rude Not to Kiss? 

Short answer, no. Long answer, as usual, it depends on the context.

If you’re a woman and you’re meeting someone of the opposite sex, usually, you would be expected to lead the exchange. And you can do so according to whatever you are comfortable with.

If you want to keep it at a handshake, you certainly can. Especially, with a younger crowd. 

Where it might get a little tricky is with the older generation, particularly with older family members. For example, if you’re meeting extended family members of your French partner over Christmas dinner, refraining from la bise might be misinterpreted as standoffish. 

In any case, most French people know these cheek kisses aren’t a common greeting practice outside of France. They do appreciate efforts to learn and participate in this cultural quirk if you’d like. But if you don’t, they won’t take it personally.